May and June of 2013 have definitely been two of the hardest months I've had to go through. In May, I began having excruciating pains in my back and was diagnosed as having problems with my Sacroiliac joint. Although the pain has gotten better since then, I still have my bad days – days when leaning forward to lay my bed would seem as herculean of a task as making a sturdy rock move. I’m taking it all in my stride and learning to take life easy.
On the day I got diagnosed, I was an emotional wreck. I started off the day with an inflamed SI joint. Thinking it was just one of those days when the inflammation would subside with the passage of time, I boarded a cab and went to work. My job description requires that invest at least 8 hours of my day sitting at a computer, which in fact is relatively easy, but an easy route to hell when you have back problems. Two hours into hitting at the keyboard, my body just couldn’t take it anymore. I had to ask permission to leave.
I took another cab to the hospital and then I called my (now ex) boyfriend. If I wasn't in a situation where I so badly needed someone to talk to, he probably would be the last person on my mind. Usually, in circumstances like this, my mum would be my first point of contact but she lives in a time zone that is 4 hours ahead of where I live, so I knew she would be fast asleep.
Being in such a vulnerable position, I felt helpless. I was trying very hard not to cry but I knew that with the slightest provocation, my tough inner core that I was so desperately latching onto would come crumbling down. I was determined to not let the tremendous amount of pain break me down as I was to make myself happy and feel better; and had I known my thoughts and his were not in alignment, I would not have made that call to him.
“Ooh baby, I was just about calling you” was the first thing he said when he answered. I laughed inwardly. If you are going to make an attempt at lying, at least try to be good at it. I told him I was at the hospital and he commiserated with me. I am not very good with handling commiseration; instead of making me feel better, it has quite the opposite effect on me. I started self-pitying and crying. We talked, said goodbye and hung up. After seeing the doctor, I called him again asking if I could stop by on my way home and his answer was a resounding NO.
“Ooh baby, I was just about calling you” was the first thing he said when he answered. I laughed inwardly. If you are going to make an attempt at lying, at least try to be good at it. I told him I was at the hospital and he commiserated with me. I am not very good with handling commiseration; instead of making me feel better, it has quite the opposite effect on me. I started self-pitying and crying. We talked, said goodbye and hung up. After seeing the doctor, I called him again asking if I could stop by on my way home and his answer was a resounding NO.
I was dazed! NO? You choose a period of utmost vulnerability to abandon me?He had done it other times and I really didn’t care, but this was a unique case. I was not feeling well, I didn’t need anyone to make me feel worse, I needed placation for the anger I felt against my own body and I needed reassurance that everything was going to be okay. But he chose to turn his back on me. In return, I turned my back on the relationship and ended it the next day after much consideration. Even if it has been a subject of contemplation for you, you do not desert people when they need you the most. That’s the very essence of living – being there for others. That day marked the end of our relationship but I keep asking myself if I made the right decision.
Do you think I made the right choice? Share your thoughts.
Kay.
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